Kaleidoscope Love

Fireworks
No, not the kind on the fourth of July
Or celebrations to mark a brand-new year
No colourful lights to light the sky
It’s an explosion of emotions that bring heartfelt tears
How is it possible for love to cascade
Down a steep rocky slope
Diminishing any resemblance of hope
In my mind, my heart, I simply cannot cope

Silence fills the air.
I think and wonder…
When was the last time I sensed he cared?
Awww… warm water! Oh yeah
You see my Dookie Dooks
Love is still in the air
When you start doubting,
Go back to the night baked beans and eggs filled your hair

I’ve tried so many times to show you
To remind you how men are
But you used all your energy to cover up those rigid scars
What do I do, what can I do?
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and in health
What really did I mean when I vowed for better, for worse?
Did I in fact decree a curse?

The unbearable silence
Words spat in hate
Anger, bitterness and resentment formed an alliance
And now the marriage is in a hideous state
And yet
In the times of disappear, to show that he cared
His lips kissed gently in the midnight hour
He touched you softly until you couldn’t breathe
You forgave him with so much ease
Fighting through nightmares, so wanting to please
I knocked the door to your mind but you declined to answer
I could see from inside, tumours of pain formed like cancer
Ready to destroy anything good
Your hunger to be loved so misunderstood
How you defined love
To others, it would sound insane
Yet the penetration of his kind of love
Has you pregnant again!… and again…
Shhhh I hear you say to me
Stop being so fearful of what the future has in store for me
Should I be worried to fill my womb again after three?

Yes Dookie
You’re about to see
And face a cruel reality
Regardless if you are married or not
You’ve conceived in the midst of hardship and strife
People will not consider you as a wife
As you’ll be forced to consider an abortionist’s knife
I am here
Always here
And I will hug you internally
A new nightmare is about to arise
Words shall cover truth with lies
For every child gifted to you is a blessing
Unfortunately, you and Ken will not realise
And darkness awaits with tears in your eyes
Fireworks so loud it deafens your ear
Your inner me crying out but no sound do you hear
No one is speaking to you intellectually
I ask… What is this pregnancy’s contingency?

Posted on January 30, 2020, in Memories. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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