“Show me show me, go on yuh know me!

Don’t freeze, don’t hide, don’t run

Take my hand and let me feel how God created you different from me.

I want to see if you look the same as what I saw in my dads’ magazine!”

“Get away from me, I will remain clean

I thought you were my friend,

But so yuh so mean

Run me go run far from this crime scene”

Forever my life has been mentally playing that game

Hide and seek, hiding the pain, hiding the shame

Continually seeking identity… What’s my name?

Hiding from men seeking to make me insane

Seeking restoration, time to take off the mask

She shouts ‘HALLELUJAH’ …Hallelujah! What’s that? You ask…

(Sssssh!… I let you into a secret, no more hiding from the past)

For I Seeked and found the Saviour, now I’m free at last

Thank God Almighty I am free from the past.

How on earth did I get to the Police station you wonder…

Well we lived in Fulham, (my first home), a man saw me walking by myself and asked me where I was going and I told him the park.. He said he will take me and took me straight to Hammersmith police station!! I actually remember sitting on the table with my legs swinging eating a biscuit I believe to be a digestive and drinking a glass of milk wearing a bobbys’ hat and mum coming through the door…

In that same house around the same age I took change from my mums purse and got told off… dad went to spank me and I cried blue murder running out the living room, then turned back opened back the door and peeped my head around the door and quipped “ didn’t hurt” and ran up the stairs. Cheeky me at 4yrs old. Did my dad chase me? no… as usual I got away with it and it was laughed off and called cheeky… Something like this my siblings would not of gotten away with so they were never impressed.

I was troubled in that house by spirits, used to see ghost ALL the time, seriously!… saw things and one time heard footsteps coming up the stairs, when I ran to look, it was a pair of black shoes all by themselves!!! No lie. Shadows that shouldn’t be there, noises that shouldn’t be heard.. My siblings and I named it the most haunted house we ever lived in.

I remember dancing with my brother in that house. It was my birthday and a girl from the street was there helping me find my shoe, I was very happy and chatty beyond my years.

I remember my 5^th birthday in my next house in Greenford. I wore black corduroy trousers and a white vest top with embroidery and my hair was in an afro. Lots of friends around the birthday table and I stood on a chair to blow out the candles.

Our house backed onto a big open park just separated by an alley way. The neighbours on the other side of the alley way were two elderly sisters who had an apple tree. Any apples that fell in the alley we took.

My older brothers cut out a piece of fence so we didn’t have to walk all the way around to get in the park, we could go straight from our back garden!

Two little white boys one time came in the bushes with me, we used to play hide and seek. Well on this day they were seeking something else, they turned around and said ‘we’ll show you ours and you show us yours’…. Well I just said yeah as I had no idea what they were on about!, I think, they started lifting up their top and as soon as I saw their hands head towards their trouser button I turned and ran for my life in a sweat… sure I was about 6/7yrs old and they were around the same age.

Frightened the life outta me…

Have you seen her?

Well I have been avoiding this but I thought I’d give it a shot….So many memories…

1^st memory is when I was 3yrs old, a holiday to Trinidad with my parents. I remember it well I guess it is because we have lots of photos. My dads’ brother uncle Dave had a monkey. I remember thinking how nice and strange to have a pet monkey. I remember family members taking me for strolls down the road and my mum having dressed me in different outfits. She is a seamstress and made all my clothes except underwear!

This is my first memory of my grandparents on my father’s side. They reminded me of traditional looking grandparents! old and grey with lovely smiles and loving. Fell in love with them immediately.

I remember my God parents and their children were there too on holiday, Auntie Gem, Uncle and their daughters Gabs and Sammy. Uncle ( my only white uncle) climbed a curved coconut tree sam and gabs played in the sea. Uncle Dave sat me on the car bonnet as I was extremely frightened of the sea… not a toe would go in without me screaming blue murder! Uncle Dave kept me company as he had a badly cut finger and couldn’t swim. Auntie Gem teased me for being so scared… memories J

Around 4yrs old I asked my mum in the kitchen if I could go to the park, she said “go ask yuh dad”… dad was outside working on a car and I asked “can I go to the park”? Yep, he said “go ask yuh mother”!!! I said “I did an she said to ask u… well I can go by myself”, and Dad said jokingly, “well go nuh”… So I did!

Wasn’t till mum was calling for dinner that they realised I was missing. Apparently I had a habit of knocking on neighbours doors and going in for chats so they started searching the street- the whole street were looking for me, police was eventually called and to my parents relief were told I was at the police station.

How did I get there?…We lived in Fulham, my first home, a man saw me walking by myself and asked me where I was going and I told him the park.. He said he will take me and took me straight to Hammersmith police station!! I actually remember sitting on the table with my legs swinging eating a biscuit I believe to be a digestive and drinking a glass of milk wearing a bobbys’ hat and mum coming through the door…