Monthly Archives: August 2015

I Learn’t to Shut Up!

What’s the point having a voice? Shut up!

Every opinion you have to express brings a shouting match- you have no defence… Shut up!

Blood ties make no sense, they sit on the oppositions fence, making life more tense… Shut up!

You wanna speak up?… Shut up!

You want to talk about???… Shut up!


Weeding The Soil… Apology Selfie!

Dear Dookie Dooks,

Yes that was one of your childhood nicknames I remember you had, given to you by your favourite cousin in America. Having a nickname made you feel loved and accepted. It made you smile every time you heard it with that American accent.

I know you looked up to that cousin as she had so much mouth, she knew how to stick up for herself.

Trouble is when you tried to be sassy and answer back, to your older brothers and sister you were seen as the little brat sister… I guess a female version of Joseph without the dreams! Your parents always stuck up for you being the youngest, your older siblings always got in trouble as soon as you cried. I know you didn’t think it harmful as you were only 5-6 yrs old, but you became an annoying sister instead of the accepted one in the clan sister…And it was that time while you were visiting with your mum’s brother Uncle Ellon that you realised their feelings towards you…

All your siblings and cousins were in the back room sitting and chatting as they did and you were playing hide and seek with your cousin similar to your age. You snuck in the room and hid behind a sofa and then you heard them ‘Harry is so cute you’re so lucky to have him as a baby brother- Maria is such a brat can’t stand her and so ugly makes me sick’… and I froze, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t open my mouth, I just kneeled in my position and stayed hidden whilst they spoke horrible things about you. I wanted to cry but to cry meant that I heard and I decided to pretend that I didn’t hear a word. I sealed your mouth and as Harry ran in the room looking for you I made you jump out out of your hiding place with your first ever mask, smiling and giggling with Harry and joyfully saying ‘you’re it’ running out the room with your ears hearing the whispers…’do you think she heard, was she there all the time’?? I shut you up and showed you how to pretend not to hear, I sealed your mouth and shut your eyes so the tears welling up under the lids would not be seen as proof that you heard every word.

The little girl all the aunts and uncles thought was adorable and had so much grown up chit chat beyond her years was just a no-body to her siblings and cousins. Always wanting to fit in and people please, to be liked and loved.

I’m Sorry.

Sorry that I made you feel to hide away and sorry that I made you kneel in your hiding spot and listen to all that talk. I should have made you jump up or make a sound so they knew you were there- they may have stopped talking before you heard those damaging words. I’m sorry that whilst your insides were broken hearted and you cried internally, I made you pretend and suppress your feelings and it just rooted and grew with you. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you Dookie Dooks but you were and still are loved very much.

Now that you are a woman….this is where it begun

Please forgive me.

Yours sincerely


Harsh Love

I was agitated in thought… until it came food for thought! sometimes we need to stop and reflect…

My thoughts:

We don’t walk In love with our brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, children and parents…If only people would respect and love each other and live the TRUE meaning of love in 1 Corinthians 13 only then will we soar as wings of an eagle rather than flap like pigeons

Ummm… I’ve been thinking on this for days,  trying to understand the thought patterns of those who say they love but yet demonstrates harshness to the same… makes no sense. .. the enemy has too many puppets in this world and it’s time we get strong enough to break the strings!!!

I received a love nugget today which reflects exactly what I mean…

Nugget: Love is KIND, it involves not just kind actions but kind words. Love does not intimidate and makes the one you love feel less than they truly are by mistreating them and hurting them with your words. Love is not concern only with his or her way and what pleases you but is considerate one to the other. Love is never abusive whether it be in word, thought or deed. Love causes you to feel secure and not threaten, Love causes one to be comfortably assured in the way they are treated and spoken to. Anytime you practice not caring about how the one you love feels and is only interested in the rules that applies to your life then an evaluation of what you believe love to be must be done. Love gives but does not reproach or make the recipient feel guilty or less of a person for having received from you. Love is not boastful nor self- centred. Remember no matter what material richest one may have, it will never and should never be equated more valuable than the person you love. Love willingly facilitates each other and ensures that the one you love knows it and do not have to wonder or guess it, love holds no ransom but is freely and unreservedly given. Love is applied understanding. May God grant you His Wisdom in Love

Time to ‘Wake Up’ for real otherwise All ‘living years’ will be wasted in unnecessary strife.. live in love… walk in love.. once we can all grasp that the world would be a better place..

Better marriages

Better friendships

Better relationships

Better world

These thoughts took me back to my childhood, and as my memory opened up the doors I had tightly kept locked, I came to realise my present and past pains over my teenage and adult years had a foundation, it had a root – the soil of my childhood!!!… lets go gardening!…( bring your gloves, it’s gonna get dirty)

Mountain Top Experience

I’m feeling tired inside

So broken my pride I can’t hide

And I’m wondering, where my journey is going.

I’m trying not to curl up and hide

My future rolls like a turbulent ride

And I’m wondering, where my journey is going.

Surly God’s by my side

Holding me close as He guides

Because He loves me sincerely

While I’m wondering where my journey is going.

Can’t speak, can’t tell you how I feel

Not openely, so afraid to be real

I’m climbing a mountain, and the journey is hurting.

Show me, collapsed down on my knees

Tears flowing as my Spirit intercedes

And I praise you and give you all of the glory.



Shout on high, with my palms raised to the sky

My load falls as I harken to your call

I wait for your answer, stop feeling like a failure

You’re the light in my darkness

I’m coming out of the wilderness

On top of the mountain, I can see clearly

Where my journey has taken me.

Hallelujah, Glory be to the one true God, Jesus who rescued me

And I see clearly where my journey has taken me

Hallelujah, Glory be to the one true God, Jesus who rescued me

And I see clearly where my journey has taken me

Hallelujah, Glory be to the one true God, Jesus who stripped me free

And I see clearly where my journey has taken me…

Up the mountain, and He set me free

Hallelujah God favoured me.


Sorry… Story of my life, I go to write something and before I know it its poetry!!

Maybe I should write a whole autobiography in poems.. hahaaa that would be a different approach hey.

Bare with me guys, I’m so new to blogs etc, it took me months to get this up and running but God has been on my case as well as my dear friend Vee who helped me get this far.

I will try to keep this in order and hopefully you will get to know me as just a woman who had to go wayyyyyyyyy back to understand herself, accept herself and stop spinning in mud, and move forward 🙂

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