Dear Dookie Dooks…

I’m sorry that whilst your insides were broken hearted and you cried internally, I made you pretend and suppress your feelings and it just rooted and grew with you. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you Dookie but you were and still are loved very much. Please forgive me.

It is because of this I guess why you froze and pretended when you went on holiday and and that person invited you to come and lay down in his bed for cuddles you thought…yes somebody likes me.

So you were happy to feel love and affection from your them whilst on holiday. They treated you like a real kid sister and I know you felt loved and accepted. There was a huge smile on your face to cuddle with him… 9years old you were I remember it like yesterday.

You thought nothing of it.

Again I silenced you, froze you as still as a Door-mouse, as his body started to move underneath you. At first you thought he was just repositioning himself to get comfortable I know, I was there. But his circular movement and the pressing against your body… not just any part of your body but down there, in the private area no one was allowed to see or touch. I know you felt uncomfortable and you were so happy being loved and accepted that I froze you, I sealed your lips and made you pretend you didn’t feel he was doing something rude. His movements reminded you of what you may have glimpsed on telly from time to time by accident… what married people do to have babies. Your innocence wondered if this meant that he loved you as a wife. Babygirl you were 9 years old and not old enough to be anyone’s wife.

I’m Sorry

So so sorry that I didn’t open your mouth so you could say ‘no thanks I like my own bed! Or speak out loud with your cheeky self and say ‘why do you keep moving it feels funny’… that would of alerted others that slept in the same room..

Sorry Dookie I should of given you your voice when it mattered most.

Now all I have done is make you think people show they really like you by touching you inappropriately, It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know, you just wanted to be liked and loved and to be accepted.

Please forgive me,

Yours sincerely

Me xxx

You whisper gently by my ear

You tell me calmly, your touch I should not fear

But I cringe when you come so near

Being alone with you I will refrain

For I am much too young to have such stains

How can you, being older than me, not know what you do?

Yet you insist to bring spiritual pain

What does it profit; tell me what will you gain?

It’s a demonic sickness within your brain

Corrupting your innermost

Driven by an un-heavenly host

Whose plan for us all is utterly insane.

God also has a plan

If anyone can break this chain

I know in my heart He can

It’s decreed in His word and His word never fails

Jeremiah 29:11 I shall hold on to for it allows me to prevail

Whisper no more your egocentric lies

Pretending to love

And corrupt my innocence in an unlawful soul tie

My God my Father sees and has built a blood hedge to cover me

Yes I am His daughter

I did not know it back then

I choose to remember know more

You are defeated

For as I write this

I shut the door

Shut up!